Today is the most special day. Today is the apple of my eye's birthday. The little nephew that has crawled into my heart and life day by day for the last 365...
This is where it all started....the very first picture of the new addition to our family. I had been the most excited Aunty since the very day my sis and BIL had told me they were preggers (I was driving in the Cotswolds at the time and nearly crashed!!). I had watched Junior grow in my sis tummy and had the amazing luck to see her 3 times while she was pregnant...pretty good going I reckon given we live on other sides of the earth to one another! From the moment I heard about him, I was determined he was a boy...just determined. And my determination was right on the money!
I wrote a post on this blog when he was born called Fantastic Fred - I was overcome with the amazing beauty and wonder of his birth. So I will not go through that again - save to say...the way I feel about this amazing little human is TENFOLD of what I expressed on that first day after he was born.
Now I know that I have probably driven a few people mad with my doting adages for the last year. And no doubt I will continue to do so for the remainder of my days on this earth with him in my family. But I ask for no forgiveness...because loving someone is an extraordinary, magical gift that requires no explanation.
As I reflected on doing this post today, I tried to go back through all the photos of the year and choose my favourites. And quickly I discovered...impossible!! I love so many photos of him...on his own, with his animals, with people who love him...you name it. So to choose a couple from literally hundreds is an impossible feat. What it did make me realise is how, in one short year, he has brought joy and love to so many people. And so I want to talk about what he has brought to my life...because I know that in one quick year he has made me a better person...and I will forever be indebted to him for that.
As I type this, I am full to the brim with tears...my family are all together...celebrating his Happy Feet first birthday...and as much as I made a conscious choice not to be there today as I am going for Christmas...I feel heartbroken that I am not. I am certain that Fred will be the reason I return to Africa...possibly sooner rather than later...who knows.
Fred has taught me about laughter. About the amazing blessing of seeing things for the first time...and the joyous surprise that brings. I was with him when he saw his first balloon...he was mesmerised. He has reminded me how simple life can be....all you need is a bed to sleep in, some food in your belly and lots and lots of love and hugs. I had pestered my sis and BIL to have a kid for a number of years before Fredster came along...and I know in my heart of hearts it is because having a niece or nephew to love is unconditional. They grow up knowing you are there. You are a constant presence in their life. And with everything I have managed to achieve in this lifetime of mine, love is something that still continues to beat up my heart. So knowing there is unconditional, never-ending love from this little Pudding makes my heart sing.
There have been many euphoric, yet totally unexpected, happy outcomes from Pudding's birth too. I have watched him fill other people's hearts with love. He is a link for so many of us to loved one's lost...and for so many of my dad's old friends and colleagues, he is a gentle reminder of the man they loved and respected. And to think he has no idea that he is the source of such magic for so many is just extraordinary for me.
But most of all, I am eternally grateful for the 'life' he has brought to my family. My mom is doting and never-endlingly excited by his presence. I think this is probably how all grandparents feel. Being a Gogo is a gift. But I also wonder if she can enjoy having the gorgeous freedom of loving Fred without any pressure. Loving my sister and I was her role as a mom and she does it with aplomb...but loving Fred brings no stress to her...she can enjoy him without being responsible for him...and that is an amazing blessing. Fred has plumped up her wrinkles and brought out her smile so much in the last year - and I watch that from the sidelines and give praise for such a wonderful gift for her at this time of her life.
But the Fredster has also brought a closeness and amazing kindred spirit to my sisterly relationship. Moving to London strengthened that bond - there was space for us to miss each other without tripping over each other. But the introduction of our human love bucket has made us weep in joy and sadness many many times in the last year. Since his birth I have been to Africa 3 times...and saying goodbye to my sister gets more and more heartbreaking each time. I am in awe of the mom she has become. Calm, tolerant, patient, loving and so very nurturing. If I was ever to be a mom, I would want to be just like her.
I just managed to watch the birthday candle being blown out and the Happy Feet cake, made by my amazing BIL, cut. That is the incredible thing about technology these days...not only can you experience it live, but you don't even need to wait weeks for the photos to be developed either.
I miss you, I love you my darling family. My sis, BIL, Mum and Fredster are my reason for being. As I get older, I begin to realise quite what it means to live in the moment, with exuberance and emotion and love and kindness. All that I have and all that I am is made richer and stronger by the love of these 4 people. The three musketeers because the fabulous four when Carls married Tobes...but now we are undoubtedly the FAMOUS FIVE. Love you Famous Five family from the bottom of my heart xxxxx
This is where it all started....the very first picture of the new addition to our family. I had been the most excited Aunty since the very day my sis and BIL had told me they were preggers (I was driving in the Cotswolds at the time and nearly crashed!!). I had watched Junior grow in my sis tummy and had the amazing luck to see her 3 times while she was pregnant...pretty good going I reckon given we live on other sides of the earth to one another! From the moment I heard about him, I was determined he was a boy...just determined. And my determination was right on the money!
Now I know that I have probably driven a few people mad with my doting adages for the last year. And no doubt I will continue to do so for the remainder of my days on this earth with him in my family. But I ask for no forgiveness...because loving someone is an extraordinary, magical gift that requires no explanation.
As I reflected on doing this post today, I tried to go back through all the photos of the year and choose my favourites. And quickly I discovered...impossible!! I love so many photos of him...on his own, with his animals, with people who love him...you name it. So to choose a couple from literally hundreds is an impossible feat. What it did make me realise is how, in one short year, he has brought joy and love to so many people. And so I want to talk about what he has brought to my life...because I know that in one quick year he has made me a better person...and I will forever be indebted to him for that.
As I type this, I am full to the brim with tears...my family are all together...celebrating his Happy Feet first birthday...and as much as I made a conscious choice not to be there today as I am going for Christmas...I feel heartbroken that I am not. I am certain that Fred will be the reason I return to Africa...possibly sooner rather than later...who knows.
Fred has taught me about laughter. About the amazing blessing of seeing things for the first time...and the joyous surprise that brings. I was with him when he saw his first balloon...he was mesmerised. He has reminded me how simple life can be....all you need is a bed to sleep in, some food in your belly and lots and lots of love and hugs. I had pestered my sis and BIL to have a kid for a number of years before Fredster came along...and I know in my heart of hearts it is because having a niece or nephew to love is unconditional. They grow up knowing you are there. You are a constant presence in their life. And with everything I have managed to achieve in this lifetime of mine, love is something that still continues to beat up my heart. So knowing there is unconditional, never-ending love from this little Pudding makes my heart sing.
There have been many euphoric, yet totally unexpected, happy outcomes from Pudding's birth too. I have watched him fill other people's hearts with love. He is a link for so many of us to loved one's lost...and for so many of my dad's old friends and colleagues, he is a gentle reminder of the man they loved and respected. And to think he has no idea that he is the source of such magic for so many is just extraordinary for me.
But most of all, I am eternally grateful for the 'life' he has brought to my family. My mom is doting and never-endlingly excited by his presence. I think this is probably how all grandparents feel. Being a Gogo is a gift. But I also wonder if she can enjoy having the gorgeous freedom of loving Fred without any pressure. Loving my sister and I was her role as a mom and she does it with aplomb...but loving Fred brings no stress to her...she can enjoy him without being responsible for him...and that is an amazing blessing. Fred has plumped up her wrinkles and brought out her smile so much in the last year - and I watch that from the sidelines and give praise for such a wonderful gift for her at this time of her life.
But the Fredster has also brought a closeness and amazing kindred spirit to my sisterly relationship. Moving to London strengthened that bond - there was space for us to miss each other without tripping over each other. But the introduction of our human love bucket has made us weep in joy and sadness many many times in the last year. Since his birth I have been to Africa 3 times...and saying goodbye to my sister gets more and more heartbreaking each time. I am in awe of the mom she has become. Calm, tolerant, patient, loving and so very nurturing. If I was ever to be a mom, I would want to be just like her.
I just managed to watch the birthday candle being blown out and the Happy Feet cake, made by my amazing BIL, cut. That is the incredible thing about technology these days...not only can you experience it live, but you don't even need to wait weeks for the photos to be developed either.
I miss you, I love you my darling family. My sis, BIL, Mum and Fredster are my reason for being. As I get older, I begin to realise quite what it means to live in the moment, with exuberance and emotion and love and kindness. All that I have and all that I am is made richer and stronger by the love of these 4 people. The three musketeers because the fabulous four when Carls married Tobes...but now we are undoubtedly the FAMOUS FIVE. Love you Famous Five family from the bottom of my heart xxxxx
What a lovely special Aunt you are going to be xox
ReplyDeleteThanks darling Goonie xxx
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