Yesterday I had made plans to head to Surrey. To a little tiny village called Yateley. My Godmother has lived in Yateley since 1989 when she moved back from Bulawayo. I have been there several times over the years...but yesterday's visit was long overdue. Partly because it is a bit of a trek to get there - 3 trains and a whole lot of waiting in between. But also because I was quite anxious about going to see her again. And this is where the story really begins.
Her name is Una Starling. She is 87 years old. And she has the onset of Alzheimer's. The last time I went to see her was just astounding. I had no idea she had Alzheimer's. When she and her husband, Keith, moved back from Bulawayo in the late 80's they moved in with her sister and mother who shared a house in Yateley. Since her return in1989, her mom has since died at the grand old age of 99. And then about 4 years ago her sister, Glen, died of Alzheimer's...and a few short months after the loss of her sister, her husband Keith passed away. So for the last 3 or so years she has been on her own. The only reason she leaves the house is to go and get a few groceries and bird food for the millions of birds she feeds in her gorgeous garden in Yateley. She goes on Wednesday's. Always Wednesday's. And if you should happen to be visiting on Wednesday (like I did a few years ago) then there is a muttering under the breath that you are messing with grocery day!! She has two friends who live on her road - Di and Jill. They are the only people she ever sees. And her friend Bob comes to visit her for a day in Summer when the daylight is longer and he can get there and back in one day. That is it. She has no-one else. Except me. Her nieces and nephews live in the USA and New Zealand. She was close to her brother, Roy, who died in the USA earlier this year. She has another brother, Ronnie, who lives in a 40 mile radius of her...but they have not seen each other in years and years...she calls him a 'sissy'...I will never know what water ran under that bridge.
My parents chose Una and Keith as my godparents when I was born. They were in their early 50's...and they had never had children. Both British, they had moved out to Rhodesia in 1952. Keith was transferred by his company to Africa. Una worked doing the administration in John Love's garage in Fort Street, Bulawayo. So did my Gran. Una and Keith became an extended part of our Bulawayo family...and a doting godmother. She never missed a birthday.
So back to my anxiety...spending the whole day with someone who has Alzheimer's requires a great deal of patience and empathy. Sometimes, in some situations, these are not my strongest traits. I was also anxious about how much more she seemed to have deteriorated since I had last seen her...speaking to her on the phone I realised she was asking me the same things over and over. It was worrying.
But I need not have worried. There is no doubt her Alzheimer's is still very much a lurking menace. It is there. Present. Reminding you of its power in the middle of lucid moments. But through the grey clouds, there were endless rainbows and moments of splendour. She is in fantastic physical health. Driving herself around, not a physical health issue in sight. We sat on the couch together and nattered and spoke about all sorts of things. We walked down to the local pub and had some lunch. I felt like I had deja vu...she ordered the exact same thing she had the last time...I knew what was going to happen...the meal arrived and she lamented about how much food it was and how she could not eat it all. So we spoke about how the next time we went there I would remind her that she needed to order off the kids menu. Solution found. She was happy! We walked through the Autumn leaves, past the church that borders her little home. But it was sitting on the couch together which really made my heart smile. I started to ask her questions about how her and Keith had met, how they had come out to Africa, their lives in Bulawayo. We found the album of her wedding photos. She recalled every last detail. That is the terrifying thing about Alzheimer's...she remembered things from 50 years ago but could not remember something she had asked me 30 minutes earlier.
I loved looking at her wedding photos. Old black and white nostalgia. Una told me her wedding dress was blue embroidery anglaise...and remarkably, she still has it hanging in her cupboard. I reckon she could still fit into it.
She was able to name everyone in her wedding party...even her friend Bob (who visits every summer) was in the photo. And I loved how her mom was grinning up at her in this pic.
Her mum made the wedding cake too...I loved the simplicity of it all.
And then we found this one of her and her siblings and mum....
I learnt so many amazing things from her. Her face lit up from the inside when she told me about the fun she used to have when she worked in an office here in London...and their offices overlooked a street where the prostitutes worked. She started laughing remembering the prostitutes fighting with one another over their turf. She spoke about Mrs Fuller, the nurse at Taylor Woodrow, who patched them all up when they had been playing cricket on the green during their lunch break...and had a few grass burns! We talked about life in Bulawayo - the trips to Lake Kariba, their incredible house boat that Keith built from scratch. We just had the most jolly old time. I helped her update her address book for everyone. Dutifully rubbing out the addresses and phone numbers and capturing the new one's in. We spoke about things she was scared of...the dark and spiders...and the things that she loved to do...anything that was up high...she particularly loves flying...sitting by the window watching the world pass by underfoot...she did a trip to New Zealand and America last year...at the ripe old age of 86. Unaccompanied...with early onset Alzheimer's. She is a REMARKABLE woman. And then came the most treasured, special moment...she was sitting holding my hand on the couch...and she said to me...'you know, Gina, the only thing I would still really love to do....I have always always wanted to go in a hot air balloon'. That simple sentence made my heart leap out of my chest in a blink. I was literally breathless. My 87 year old, Alzheimer riddled Godmother wanted to go in a hot air balloon. And in that moment I realised - I could make that come true. I could organise for us to do that. I looked at her and asked her if she was serious. She answered, in her best most stern voice, 'of course!'.
So by hook or by crook, I will somehow get her and I into a hot air balloon. I have no idea where to even begin looking. But I will. Because I so want to make her dream come true.
She rang me on my train journey home. She told me what a splendid time she had had with me. How much she had enjoyed talking about her life in Rhodesia and Zimbabwe with me. She sounded lilting and happy on the phone. And the realisation was apparent. Yes - she has a dreadful disease. But she is also terrifically lonely and she has no mental stimulation. Yes, she repeats herself and asks a lot of things over and over. But she is dear and kind and has had a superbly interesting life. And I have a gift in abundance she dearly loves - my time. So I will be back in Surrey in January for a visit and a laugh and some more reminiscing...and hopefully by then I will have found a hot air balloon in the vicinity for us to enjoy in the summer of 2014.
May the world be kind to you all as you remember loved one's the world over and reach out to remind them they are loved and though of and cared for xxxx
Her name is Una Starling. She is 87 years old. And she has the onset of Alzheimer's. The last time I went to see her was just astounding. I had no idea she had Alzheimer's. When she and her husband, Keith, moved back from Bulawayo in the late 80's they moved in with her sister and mother who shared a house in Yateley. Since her return in1989, her mom has since died at the grand old age of 99. And then about 4 years ago her sister, Glen, died of Alzheimer's...and a few short months after the loss of her sister, her husband Keith passed away. So for the last 3 or so years she has been on her own. The only reason she leaves the house is to go and get a few groceries and bird food for the millions of birds she feeds in her gorgeous garden in Yateley. She goes on Wednesday's. Always Wednesday's. And if you should happen to be visiting on Wednesday (like I did a few years ago) then there is a muttering under the breath that you are messing with grocery day!! She has two friends who live on her road - Di and Jill. They are the only people she ever sees. And her friend Bob comes to visit her for a day in Summer when the daylight is longer and he can get there and back in one day. That is it. She has no-one else. Except me. Her nieces and nephews live in the USA and New Zealand. She was close to her brother, Roy, who died in the USA earlier this year. She has another brother, Ronnie, who lives in a 40 mile radius of her...but they have not seen each other in years and years...she calls him a 'sissy'...I will never know what water ran under that bridge.
My parents chose Una and Keith as my godparents when I was born. They were in their early 50's...and they had never had children. Both British, they had moved out to Rhodesia in 1952. Keith was transferred by his company to Africa. Una worked doing the administration in John Love's garage in Fort Street, Bulawayo. So did my Gran. Una and Keith became an extended part of our Bulawayo family...and a doting godmother. She never missed a birthday.
So back to my anxiety...spending the whole day with someone who has Alzheimer's requires a great deal of patience and empathy. Sometimes, in some situations, these are not my strongest traits. I was also anxious about how much more she seemed to have deteriorated since I had last seen her...speaking to her on the phone I realised she was asking me the same things over and over. It was worrying.
But I need not have worried. There is no doubt her Alzheimer's is still very much a lurking menace. It is there. Present. Reminding you of its power in the middle of lucid moments. But through the grey clouds, there were endless rainbows and moments of splendour. She is in fantastic physical health. Driving herself around, not a physical health issue in sight. We sat on the couch together and nattered and spoke about all sorts of things. We walked down to the local pub and had some lunch. I felt like I had deja vu...she ordered the exact same thing she had the last time...I knew what was going to happen...the meal arrived and she lamented about how much food it was and how she could not eat it all. So we spoke about how the next time we went there I would remind her that she needed to order off the kids menu. Solution found. She was happy! We walked through the Autumn leaves, past the church that borders her little home. But it was sitting on the couch together which really made my heart smile. I started to ask her questions about how her and Keith had met, how they had come out to Africa, their lives in Bulawayo. We found the album of her wedding photos. She recalled every last detail. That is the terrifying thing about Alzheimer's...she remembered things from 50 years ago but could not remember something she had asked me 30 minutes earlier.
I loved looking at her wedding photos. Old black and white nostalgia. Una told me her wedding dress was blue embroidery anglaise...and remarkably, she still has it hanging in her cupboard. I reckon she could still fit into it.
She was able to name everyone in her wedding party...even her friend Bob (who visits every summer) was in the photo. And I loved how her mom was grinning up at her in this pic.
And then we found this one of her and her siblings and mum....
I learnt so many amazing things from her. Her face lit up from the inside when she told me about the fun she used to have when she worked in an office here in London...and their offices overlooked a street where the prostitutes worked. She started laughing remembering the prostitutes fighting with one another over their turf. She spoke about Mrs Fuller, the nurse at Taylor Woodrow, who patched them all up when they had been playing cricket on the green during their lunch break...and had a few grass burns! We talked about life in Bulawayo - the trips to Lake Kariba, their incredible house boat that Keith built from scratch. We just had the most jolly old time. I helped her update her address book for everyone. Dutifully rubbing out the addresses and phone numbers and capturing the new one's in. We spoke about things she was scared of...the dark and spiders...and the things that she loved to do...anything that was up high...she particularly loves flying...sitting by the window watching the world pass by underfoot...she did a trip to New Zealand and America last year...at the ripe old age of 86. Unaccompanied...with early onset Alzheimer's. She is a REMARKABLE woman. And then came the most treasured, special moment...she was sitting holding my hand on the couch...and she said to me...'you know, Gina, the only thing I would still really love to do....I have always always wanted to go in a hot air balloon'. That simple sentence made my heart leap out of my chest in a blink. I was literally breathless. My 87 year old, Alzheimer riddled Godmother wanted to go in a hot air balloon. And in that moment I realised - I could make that come true. I could organise for us to do that. I looked at her and asked her if she was serious. She answered, in her best most stern voice, 'of course!'.
So by hook or by crook, I will somehow get her and I into a hot air balloon. I have no idea where to even begin looking. But I will. Because I so want to make her dream come true.
She rang me on my train journey home. She told me what a splendid time she had had with me. How much she had enjoyed talking about her life in Rhodesia and Zimbabwe with me. She sounded lilting and happy on the phone. And the realisation was apparent. Yes - she has a dreadful disease. But she is also terrifically lonely and she has no mental stimulation. Yes, she repeats herself and asks a lot of things over and over. But she is dear and kind and has had a superbly interesting life. And I have a gift in abundance she dearly loves - my time. So I will be back in Surrey in January for a visit and a laugh and some more reminiscing...and hopefully by then I will have found a hot air balloon in the vicinity for us to enjoy in the summer of 2014.
May the world be kind to you all as you remember loved one's the world over and reach out to remind them they are loved and though of and cared for xxxx
so...Gina, did you get her on that hot air balloon yet?? It's Neo... from GC.... yes, that one.
ReplyDeleteTotally loving your blog;)
Thanks Neo for the comment (and for reading!). Nope - not in the hot air balloon yet - got to wait for the weather to improve - Summer 2014 I will take her. Love to you x
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