...tears of absolute laughter! Seriously. Se-re-arese-lee! Picture this. On my innocent little red bus. Driving down innocent Wandsworth rd. Peering out the window watching the morning's world go by. People on bikes, ladies in VERY high bright PINK heels (see pic below!), kids on their wheelie bikes, mom's with prams. Note - NO hot men in suits. Why is that I wonder...maybe cos they are arriving in their ferrari's not on the 77 red bus via Vauxhall!
Anyways. There I am. Minding my own business. Listening to my iPod. Tina Turner 'The best' in case you are wondering. And then it happens. I look right when we are stopped at the Lansdowne Road stop. And I watch as a scene unfolds. A scene that you only EVER see in movies. At the Landsdowne Road bus stop there is a BIG (BEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGG) block of council flats. So - this lady gets off the bus. She has two kids with her. A boy of about 8 and a girl of about 11 or so. They have a big-ass green suitcase with them. As she gets off the bus, I see her mentally calculate that dragging her big-ass suitcase around the perimeter of this BIG (BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGG) council block of flats is going to make beads of sweat appear on her brow. So the sista decides - no way Jose - let's fling this green case over the perimeter fence of the council flats and walk across the grass to where we need to be. Just like they do in Africa. Why go round when you can go over. Sounds like a rather bad sexual position doesn't it!
So - Mrs X and her two kiddies and their ginormous green 'friend' hustle their way up to the fence. The girl child goes first. Up and over that fence. [Note - fence is only about 60cms high on top of a wall that you can step up onto!] Next little boetie heads over that fence. Thumbs up to the family like he is heading off on a cruise liner unaccompanied. They then, with the help of Mrs X, haul the green mamba over the fence and plonk it behind them on the grass. And then the MOTHER of all tasks. Wrestling Momma up onto the wall and over the fence without falling over!
They heave and ho (Momma is a hoochy mama if you get my drift!) and bob's your uncle, Momma is safely ensconsed on the wall. As she lifts her right leg to put it over the fence, I see disaster transpiring before my very eyes. Like when you see something happening in slow-mo on the movies and you think 'shit balls this is not good!' I had to stop myself from shouting out loud on the 77 full of people. Coming up behind the two kiddies and unseen by Momma was a BIG ass dog that had clearly been put in this 'fenced' off area to play and do its business! Not a mean dog by any stretch of the imagination. A kind of happy 'Jock of the Bushveld' kind of version. BUT BIIIIIIIIGGGG!
But let me tell you. That dog let out a 'woof' behind those two lighties. They levitated out of their own shoes. Instantly let go of Momma. She wobbled like a two day old jelly. Screamed at the kids to 'RUUUUUNNNNN' and within 2.37 split seconds all 3 of them were over that fence, off that wall standing in a muddled heap back on the pavement! By now - tears are ROLLING down my cheeks. Rolling. I have not laughed like that in so long. BUT the green mamba was still sitting neatly on the grass and that dog was barking his head off. At this point, the bus sped off and I was left wondering...how long did they have to wait to rescue the suitcase!!!!
What a great way to end a really shitty work week with some wonderful highlights to it - a long natter with my sis, a night at the comedy with the bankers from Canary Wharf and a sad farewell to Damo who heads back to Ozzie!
Happpppppyyy weeekend everybody!
Anyways. There I am. Minding my own business. Listening to my iPod. Tina Turner 'The best' in case you are wondering. And then it happens. I look right when we are stopped at the Lansdowne Road stop. And I watch as a scene unfolds. A scene that you only EVER see in movies. At the Landsdowne Road bus stop there is a BIG (BEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGG) block of council flats. So - this lady gets off the bus. She has two kids with her. A boy of about 8 and a girl of about 11 or so. They have a big-ass green suitcase with them. As she gets off the bus, I see her mentally calculate that dragging her big-ass suitcase around the perimeter of this BIG (BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGG) council block of flats is going to make beads of sweat appear on her brow. So the sista decides - no way Jose - let's fling this green case over the perimeter fence of the council flats and walk across the grass to where we need to be. Just like they do in Africa. Why go round when you can go over. Sounds like a rather bad sexual position doesn't it!
So - Mrs X and her two kiddies and their ginormous green 'friend' hustle their way up to the fence. The girl child goes first. Up and over that fence. [Note - fence is only about 60cms high on top of a wall that you can step up onto!] Next little boetie heads over that fence. Thumbs up to the family like he is heading off on a cruise liner unaccompanied. They then, with the help of Mrs X, haul the green mamba over the fence and plonk it behind them on the grass. And then the MOTHER of all tasks. Wrestling Momma up onto the wall and over the fence without falling over!
They heave and ho (Momma is a hoochy mama if you get my drift!) and bob's your uncle, Momma is safely ensconsed on the wall. As she lifts her right leg to put it over the fence, I see disaster transpiring before my very eyes. Like when you see something happening in slow-mo on the movies and you think 'shit balls this is not good!' I had to stop myself from shouting out loud on the 77 full of people. Coming up behind the two kiddies and unseen by Momma was a BIG ass dog that had clearly been put in this 'fenced' off area to play and do its business! Not a mean dog by any stretch of the imagination. A kind of happy 'Jock of the Bushveld' kind of version. BUT BIIIIIIIIGGGG!
But let me tell you. That dog let out a 'woof' behind those two lighties. They levitated out of their own shoes. Instantly let go of Momma. She wobbled like a two day old jelly. Screamed at the kids to 'RUUUUUNNNNN' and within 2.37 split seconds all 3 of them were over that fence, off that wall standing in a muddled heap back on the pavement! By now - tears are ROLLING down my cheeks. Rolling. I have not laughed like that in so long. BUT the green mamba was still sitting neatly on the grass and that dog was barking his head off. At this point, the bus sped off and I was left wondering...how long did they have to wait to rescue the suitcase!!!!
What a great way to end a really shitty work week with some wonderful highlights to it - a long natter with my sis, a night at the comedy with the bankers from Canary Wharf and a sad farewell to Damo who heads back to Ozzie!
Happpppppyyy weeekend everybody!
this is sooooooo funny i have been crying with laughter! thanks G - Bridg Dale
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