Today has been a lesson in patience, humility and self-depreciation. Like with most lessons I am learning on this London/Life journey (I am not sure which I can attribute it to...) they come from interacting with others.
I have recently reconnected with an old friend from Bulawayo days. We knew each other when we were at school. But the age difference was enough to be socially awkward. Our paths crossed, but it was limited interaction. And then Facebook came along. And suddenly I had the the chance to reconnect (superficially initially I acknowledge) with this person. I watched their progress, moves in jobs, make-up's, break-up's. And then somehow this person and I started chatting a little. And one day the universe conspired for us to be in the same place at the same time. And it was fun to re-engage with one another. Albeit briefly. But fun nonetheless.
I have two things in life that are either going for me or not going for me in life (it depends on whether you see the glass half empty or half full). I am (a) an Industrial Psychologist by training and (b) a gregarious communicator. Conveniently, (a) lends itself implicitly to listening, asking probing questions and (this is where the glass comes in..) being either persistent and targeted in getting a person to think about things they would far rather not or being just plain irritating. I go with the former.
As for (b). Well now, it means I have a large social circle of people I do my best to stay in touch with. Whose birthdays I do my best to remember (I still have an old fashioned birthday calendar above my bed!), whose children I love and adore, whose lives I follow with interest because I genuinely am excited for them and their pursuits. I come from a kind place full of good intentions.
So back to my re-engaged friend. Imagine someone you have not seen face-to-face in over a decade suddenly meeting the person who is both (a) and (b). They may, in ordinary circumstances, be able to cope with this. But when it is typical 'Gina-100-miles-an-hour-speed' (a) and (b) combined. Phew. The poor person may not know what to do with themselves. I had to explain. It was good. It got any further miscommunications out of the way.
Tonight this person and I were chatting on social media. A rambling conversation filled with the mundane, the random, the personal. And then this person said something about themself and I immediately reached out with "don't self-depreciate yourself beautiful human being" (yes - I know the grammar is a little off - humour me). I surprised even myself with the quickness and genuine-ness of my response. Because I really did mean this. This person is a beautiful human being, whom I grow to know more about and laugh at with each passing day. And then the lesson kicked in. As much as this comment was in response to a remark from this person...it was also a message from the universe for me too. We continued our conversation for another 40 minutes or so, throwing stones into each other's glass houses by the end of the conversation (why do grown adults feel the need to defend themselves...just silly)....but all the while those words I had typed were still floating in front of my eyes.
"don't self-depreciate yourself beautiful human being"
I have found the last few days in London exceptionally hard. Partly because I am still sick and coughing and off work and on antibiotics, partly because I am not totally enamoured with my job (who is these days?), partly because even though I made the choice to move to London I still feel as though I am missing out on my sister's life (and now my Fredster's)...and partly because I am just suffering from January-itis in the UK...freezing, snowing, wet...a bit of a fag really. But it was only once I had uttered those 6 words to my much-loved, kind-hearted, sensitive friend tonight that I realised...they were the words the universe needed me to hear too.
I aspire each day to live a conscious life. To engage fully with what life offers up. I do not have an 'off' button. I know only one speed - live life. When I was explaining point (b) to my newly connected friend, I actually typed these words to them...
"I know I can be insanely annoying when it comes to communicating - I have a very active and present way of living in the world and sometimes this is overwhelming to others. I have known far too much tragedy in my life to be shy with my words - they are the only way I can let people know how much I like having them in my life, no matter the role they play..."
I explain myself for that reason and that reason only. I offer up no apology for my enthusiasm. Sometimes it wins me friends, sometimes not. But through it all, I need to remind myself not to self-depreciate who I am and what I bring to the world. I always need that gentle reminder to live consciously.
As for my friend, I hope they know how much I relish our reconnection and how much we both have to learn from one another.
Signing off in the year of magic...2013 xxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment