This weeks lessons....

...I really want and need to write a blog about my fantab-ulously-amazing-incredible-wonderful-stunning holiday with my family.  BUT.  The last two weeks have slapped me around the face with two lessons that have cause tears, sleepless nights, lengthy conversations and some angst.  And when I feel like that I need to write it down.  So - the holiday memoir will have to wait until I have been able to get my jumbled thoughts into some order.

So - what are these lessons....the first was a generous 'gift' I got on my first day back in the office last week Monday.  A conversation that delivered a blow to the solar plexus. I hate this time of the year.  Now I cannot say too much - I am sure colleagues read this blog.  But I learnt...the hard way...the very hard way...delivering tough messages is not something that comes easy to anyone...most people I know avoid conflict to the end of the earth and back.  I am one of those people.  But this time I stood up for myself.  I am a fiend about fairness.  I wrote a blog some time back about fair versus equal.  But this time I needed to be treated as fairly and equally as anyone else.  It was such a difficult thing to do.  I seldom stand up for myself...I take the path of least resistance.  I give in...in the hopes that it makes the problem go away.  But I did stand up for myself.  I tried to be non-emotional and objective  I spoke about facts.  I was level headed about it all.  I surprised myself even.  And as this chapter closed this afternoon, my emotions are mixed.  I am glad I stood up for myself.  I am sad that I had to do it in the first place...I trusted the system and it screwed me in return.  But overall, I am pleased I took a stand for something that was important to me - to be treated fairly and equally in life is important to me.

My second lesson is closer to home.  I am a quirky person about friends.  I know I am.  As I get older I am amazed by how open I become about my quirks.  I have always had more guy friends than girls.  I think this probably goes back to my childhood and losing my dad at a young age.  I relate well to guys - they are generally more open to my straight talking ways.  And in the last 24 hours I have had two in-depth conversations with two different guy mates.  And both of these conversations have brought the most astounding light bulb moments.  Men are just wired differently to girls.  I have heard that so many times in life.  But now I GET it.  The world is more linear to a man.  SO much more simple.  Less emotional.  More finite.  Less communicative.  Less willingness to be flexible.  And I am frustrated.  I have a different kind of friendship with my guy mates to my girl mates.  I need comfort from them.  I need confirmation...affirmation.  I need hugs, physical touch to say 'I am here beside you to comfort you'.  Last night I was sitting next to a guy mate with tears rolling down my cheeks.  All I wanted him to do was reach over and give me a hug and tell me it would be ok.  Did he.  Nope.  He laughed.  I could have poked my finger in his eye.  So I have realised that I need to stop living in hope that I am going to get these things from my guy mates.  I really do.  It is going to be a long wait.  I can hope that one day they will surprise me.  But in the meantime - yah - no hugs for me.

Stories from the holiday to come on the weekend.  Night lovelies x