The things I now know about myself and my life after 45 turns around the sun…

1. Family is everything.  That simple.  And I hit the jackpot.
2. Friends are the family we get to choose – the tribe we ‘join’ and the ‘village’ we live in.  And to live in that ‘Village’ and dance with your ‘Tribe’ you need to lean in.  Effort looks like action. Genuine, kind, thoughtful action.
3. London is my soul home.  Africa holds my roots, London makes my soul come alive. 
4. Tennis and Rugby bring me joy.  More so as I get older and find camaraderie through sharing my love for these sports.
5. Nobody in the last 2 decades has asked (or cared) that I was a prefect at school.  It was my first official acknowledgement of a leadership role.  I thrive when I get a chance to lead.  That has not changed after all these years.
6. Communication - healthy, fruitful, bridge-building communication – is the key to my life.  It is the glue in relationships of any kind.  And the reason I get up every morning.  Words matter.
7. I love the taste of lamb.  I could eat it every day of my life!
8. Once trust is broken, it takes a lifetime to rebuild and it will always be in the back of your mind.  Intentional rebuilding can help it recover but it will never look like it originally did.  And maybe that is ok.
9. Hurt people hurt people. 
10. Healthy boundaries are what help relationships succeed.  They are invitations to show people how to be part of your life – they signal the intent to build and nurture not exclude.  I never used them well until I reached my 40s. Sometimes I still don’t.  I won’t stop trying.
11. I love to travel.  Not only the touristy bits but also to unearth the undiscovered bits of a culture.  My modus operandi – befriend a local, ask for their advice, eat where they recommend, be present and use my senses.  Never fails me. 
12. Successful people are driven by their insecurities (Deepak Chopra).  This quote has resonated with me for years. 
13. Denying someone else’s truth is unkind.  How they experienced your actions (or you experienced theirs) is real.  To own the hurt you cause in the world is hard and also so important.  Be accountable for being a good human (and acknowledge when you weren’t – we all have those moments).
14. I always feel my best when I have made an effort to dress up, smell nice and look pretty.  It’s easy to get complacent. Covid has shown me that!
15. I love baby animals – they make me smile.  And somehow they smell ‘cute’.  Their innocence inspires me.
16. Living by water remains a dream.  And mountains too.  What a combo – makes me salivate thinking about it.
17. Chocolate milkshakes are the cure for most things.  As well as a good soul-cleansing cry!
18. Watching things I planted grow is so satisfying.  I love being a plant mom!
19. There is nothing that beats cuddling - kids, dogs, partners, family.  Some of my favourite stolen moments are enveloped in cuddles.
20.  Zimbabwe is my memories home.  I am like a homing pigeon when it comes to Bulawayo.  I sometimes daydream what my life would have been like if it had stayed as majestic as it was in my youth. Nostalgia sucker punch.
21. I have a shoe addiction.  I suspect I will still have one at 95 too!
22. 22 is my lucky number.  It resonates with me and always has done. When I see it anywhere, I know instantly that everything will be ok.
23. Most people we encounter are driven by fear.  Often unconscious. Fear of rejection, being left out, being unseen, not being listened to.  There are a multitude of hard to cope with human reasons.  If we recognised this in ourselves and others from the outset, we would be able to show more compassion and empathy than we tend to do.  I have learnt this from hard-to-swallow experiences.
24. I love my birthday.  I love being the priority for a day.  The little 5 year old in me feels appreciated and loved and seen and cared for.  I will celebrate my birthday with as much gusto as I can muster for the rest of my days.
25. In my early years my professional career was a priority and sole focus.  As I have matured, I do my best to be more balanced.  If I am living a good life personally, my professional career prospers by association.
26. Financial stability is important to me.  I saw what a lifetime of saving in Zimbabwe did for my mom and it terrifies me. Saving for my later years is a big driver for me.
27. Dubai was the hardest life experience I have ever had.  Nothing to do with the place and everything to do with facing my own fears.  It was a personally lonely 4 years.  I never realised the extent of it until I moved back to London.  I made some incredible lifelong friends (and rekindled childhood friendships) there and yet I always felt discombobulated and unrooted.  All part of the universe’s plan to make sure I was living this one life I have with purpose and focus.
28. Love really is a million little things.  My sister has this motto etched on the door in her kitchen and I really have experienced it in fast forward in the past few years.  As I get older I notice and appreciate the small things so much more – love is like a wandering vine through my heart rather than fireworks anymore.  It feels splendid.
29. I did lockdown in 2020 42 days solo.  There were 2 dark days in 42.  I think that is a pretty phenomenal average.  And since that first lockdown I feel like my mental resilience has grown significantly.  I am comfortable being me.  I am proud of being me.  I would not want to be anyone else. 
30. I will never tire of surprises.  I think my favourite ones are when people I love decide to surprise me in person.  The very best kind.  There are so many examples of wonderful surprises over the years and every one of them makes me smile.  It makes me feel chosen, special and prioritised.  I love feeling those things.
31. I think I have a second career in me.  Somedays I daydream about what I would do if I could truly choose something different to what I do now.  I know I certainly would do something less corporate and more informal.  More to come on this for the 50^th birthday list.
32. I am a planner.  I always have been.  I always will be.  I love the anticipation of looking forward to something – oftentimes it is better than the main event in the end! 
33. To make peace with hard things I need to understand.  I need information and clarity and context.  I will always prioritize truth over comfort.  Because truth creates a foundation for bridge-building.  Comfort just prolongs the misery. 
34. Japan will always hold a special place in my heart.  The way of life in this remarkable country simply cannot be articulated in words. Please put it on your travel list - especially Kyoto. 
35. I am a great creator, a strong implementer and a terrible maintainer when it comes to work.  I know this about myself and I do everything I can to stay in the zone of creation and implementation.  Ask me to maintain something that already exists and you won’t get the best of me. 
36. I still want to write a book in my lifetime. I used to think it would be a woman’s guide to travelling solo.  These days I feel it may be different.  Who knows!
37. Years ago my bestie stated something in a conversation that has never left me. ‘Throw money at the problem, Gigga’.  As I have progressed in life I have stood firm on things I am simply prepared to ‘throw money at’.  It has made the world of difference to my sanity.
38. Asking for what you need from others is imperative.  It does not mean you will get it.  But you will never be left in the dark as to the answer.  Liberating!
39. Being a good neighbour and experiencing having good neighbours is the foundation of community. Ubuntu at its finest.
40. My work laptop passwords are affirmations.  They make me pause every day.  They give perspective and subconsciously influence my every action.  They always start with ‘I am…’.  My current password – ‘I am joyous…’ and past ones have been peaceful/content/grateful…you can see how this goes.  Part of my day where I remind myself of all that I am. 
41. I was born curious.  Annoyingly so it would seem.  I ask questions.  I research.  I read.  I digest.  I always want to know more.  I love things that provoke other thoughts.  I take screenshots of powerful words and sayings and thoughts online.  I have a friend who once commented on how many I have.  I collect words. 
42. Being present at the birth of my second nephew and cutting his umbilical cord will remain my top highlight of my life ever.  I will never have my own babies and yet I got to experience the complete magic of a water birth.  Thank you to my darling sister and BIL for this gift. And for letting me love my nephews as much as I do.
43. In that vein – being an honorary Aunty to many is probably my most important role in life.  I give thanks to all those who share their children with such openness with me.  What a gift.
44. My momma bear will always be one of the coolest humans I know.  My friends the world over love her.  She has overcome so many obstacles in her 72 year life.  She will call me ‘Pet’ till the end of time and I would not want it any other way.  And she will always keep it real.  Just this morning she rang me to wish me happy birthday and said ‘shit Geens you old’.  I have never met anyone who doesn’t think my mom is a Rockstar ninja – and I agree with them. 
45. Being kind is being human.  Not to ever be muddled with being nice.  They are distinct and often times opposing.  Always and forever to be kind is my motto. The end.  And as the famous Ram Das said’ we are all just walking each other home’….so why not do it with kindness. 

With peace and gratitude for family, friendships, laughter, love, hugs and caring across my world xoxo