...of Hope Street and Perseverance Avenue...I really do...in my mind that is! Now you might be wondering where on earth I am going with this...but hang on dear readers - there is a point...
If you can cast your minds back to many many many moons ago at the beginning of this year, I wrote my New Years motto as a post...this was the year of being brave. And never have I felt braver and more terrified in the same instant as I have several times this year. I am having one of those moments right now actually...as I begin to rationalise out the fact that I love my life in London, I love who I have become in London, I love what London has done to my mind...but all of this depends on one fairly fundamental fact...I am in London because of my job. Fact. No way around that bombshell. And I now find myself in that interesting predicament where the scale has tilted on the happiness scale and the amazeballs life is slowly losing its grip on conquering the less amazeballs job.
I am not Catholic, nor overtly religious - but right now I wish I could take confession...because there are definitely aspects of this job move to London that I did not anticipate and that have thrown a curveball over and over. That old adage about the food chain and being the biggest fish in the pond...you remember it right? Well let me tell you - I am being bitten in the arse by that bloody big fish in my pond. In Africa, I was at the top of my game. I sat in meetings at the highest level, I had a team, I was empowered to make decisions, I travelled the continent regularly. Now don't get me wrong - my stress levels were through the roof there. I was working superhuman hours. My personal life was ripped to shreds by work stress. And I was definitely a less fun version of myself. And on days like I had this week - I do have to physically remind myself of that by repeating it over and over and over in my head. I do not want the hecticness of that work life back by any stretch. No sir-eeeee. BUT - moving across the world has altered my place in the food chain. And some days I just bloody hate it.
Those of you who have known me most of my life (and probably several of you who may only have met me!!!) will know that I am not the best with following the rules. I would like to give politicial bullshit in the workplace a kick in the arse. And my intolerance for politicking, backstabbing, playing the game and all things untrue is sometimes (too) obvious. I have no desire to get in the ring on things that would be better solved with logic and pragmatism. I am a lover not a fighter and see no sense in expending energy on doing the easy thing...I am fanatical about doing the RIGHT thing - it is my moral responsibility - and I take it very seriously. And this is where I am getting the biggest snot-klaap at the moment. Because I have no desire to line my 'organisational stomache' with naval gazing and political game playing I am coming up short. And it is not fun.
I have always known that I am a madhatter, eccentric, unexplainable force in the workforce. I am confident in my abilities, but I am not easy to contain! My enthusiasm is contagious and I get frustrated if I sense apathy in those around me. In my world I cannot understand the realms of the world 'NO'. I must be a handful to manage - that's for sure. I challenge and ask questions...not for the sake of it mind...but always to sense check that we have not lost sight of the end goal. I am the personification of 'swimming upstream'. I do it each and every single day of my life. And sometimes swimming upstream becomes a lonely job. There are sometimes others who accompany on the swim - but often they are lured by the fisherman's line to seek solace elsewhere.
So - what is my point. Quite simple really. I am beginning to lose my desire to swim upstream. I do not want to find myself disillusioned and jaded by the system. I remind myself (and I did with a dear friend last night in Earlsfield)...I have one life. One chance. One set of fireworks in storage waiting for me to set them off. And even though I live on the corner of Hope Street and Perseverance Avenue, maybe I need to move house. Maybe for a short while. Maybe forever. I kinda like the idea of living in the edge of Prosperity Park, around the corner from Compassion Close and over the road from the Joyful highway. Or maybe I can join my friends I know who make hay while the sun shines in Friendship alley at the junction with Laughter Lane. Now I know I don't really want to move from the corner of Hope Street and Perseverance Avenue...so perhaps it is just about renting out my space there temporarily and finding some sanity in the 'burbs. Only thing is - the Gigga way is full speed or not at all...and moving the 'burbs will mean taking my foot off the gas...at least I guess I will save some petrol money! So here's the question for you all - what street do you live on right now? Is it the street you want to live on for the rest of your days? And if not, when are you clearing out the baggage and moving house? Over and out!
If you can cast your minds back to many many many moons ago at the beginning of this year, I wrote my New Years motto as a post...this was the year of being brave. And never have I felt braver and more terrified in the same instant as I have several times this year. I am having one of those moments right now actually...as I begin to rationalise out the fact that I love my life in London, I love who I have become in London, I love what London has done to my mind...but all of this depends on one fairly fundamental fact...I am in London because of my job. Fact. No way around that bombshell. And I now find myself in that interesting predicament where the scale has tilted on the happiness scale and the amazeballs life is slowly losing its grip on conquering the less amazeballs job.
I am not Catholic, nor overtly religious - but right now I wish I could take confession...because there are definitely aspects of this job move to London that I did not anticipate and that have thrown a curveball over and over. That old adage about the food chain and being the biggest fish in the pond...you remember it right? Well let me tell you - I am being bitten in the arse by that bloody big fish in my pond. In Africa, I was at the top of my game. I sat in meetings at the highest level, I had a team, I was empowered to make decisions, I travelled the continent regularly. Now don't get me wrong - my stress levels were through the roof there. I was working superhuman hours. My personal life was ripped to shreds by work stress. And I was definitely a less fun version of myself. And on days like I had this week - I do have to physically remind myself of that by repeating it over and over and over in my head. I do not want the hecticness of that work life back by any stretch. No sir-eeeee. BUT - moving across the world has altered my place in the food chain. And some days I just bloody hate it.
Those of you who have known me most of my life (and probably several of you who may only have met me!!!) will know that I am not the best with following the rules. I would like to give politicial bullshit in the workplace a kick in the arse. And my intolerance for politicking, backstabbing, playing the game and all things untrue is sometimes (too) obvious. I have no desire to get in the ring on things that would be better solved with logic and pragmatism. I am a lover not a fighter and see no sense in expending energy on doing the easy thing...I am fanatical about doing the RIGHT thing - it is my moral responsibility - and I take it very seriously. And this is where I am getting the biggest snot-klaap at the moment. Because I have no desire to line my 'organisational stomache' with naval gazing and political game playing I am coming up short. And it is not fun.
I have always known that I am a madhatter, eccentric, unexplainable force in the workforce. I am confident in my abilities, but I am not easy to contain! My enthusiasm is contagious and I get frustrated if I sense apathy in those around me. In my world I cannot understand the realms of the world 'NO'. I must be a handful to manage - that's for sure. I challenge and ask questions...not for the sake of it mind...but always to sense check that we have not lost sight of the end goal. I am the personification of 'swimming upstream'. I do it each and every single day of my life. And sometimes swimming upstream becomes a lonely job. There are sometimes others who accompany on the swim - but often they are lured by the fisherman's line to seek solace elsewhere.
So - what is my point. Quite simple really. I am beginning to lose my desire to swim upstream. I do not want to find myself disillusioned and jaded by the system. I remind myself (and I did with a dear friend last night in Earlsfield)...I have one life. One chance. One set of fireworks in storage waiting for me to set them off. And even though I live on the corner of Hope Street and Perseverance Avenue, maybe I need to move house. Maybe for a short while. Maybe forever. I kinda like the idea of living in the edge of Prosperity Park, around the corner from Compassion Close and over the road from the Joyful highway. Or maybe I can join my friends I know who make hay while the sun shines in Friendship alley at the junction with Laughter Lane. Now I know I don't really want to move from the corner of Hope Street and Perseverance Avenue...so perhaps it is just about renting out my space there temporarily and finding some sanity in the 'burbs. Only thing is - the Gigga way is full speed or not at all...and moving the 'burbs will mean taking my foot off the gas...at least I guess I will save some petrol money! So here's the question for you all - what street do you live on right now? Is it the street you want to live on for the rest of your days? And if not, when are you clearing out the baggage and moving house? Over and out!
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