Back in London this weekend and it is that kind of strange lull before the storm. Not everyone is back yet and so there were not a million plans in place. Phew - still time for my liver to recover...poor critter - he feels 100 at the moment! Then my 'Unsteady' sends a text. We decide to rendezvous. We have not seen one another in FOREVER. And being the cosmopolitan, worldly women we are - there is NO time like the present to get dolled up and head out to meet up! I love being young and in a city that has transport no matter the hour!
So - we rendezvous. We start at The Duck in Clapham. We swop stories. We talk everything under the sun. EVERYTHING. We have the X chat. Ex, sex and text! We watch men 'charfing' chicks. We watch people absolutely swaying their way down the pavement. And we just laugh and laugh and laugh. The Duck closes. The Bank calls. We answer! We 'cutie-spot'. Short, tall, dark hair, brown hair. We theorise about the man in the beige jersey who smiles over texts and then promptly puts his phone away when the girlfriend arrives (according to our theory - he is getting texts from another girl!!!) We watch people raving to Coldplay and we still laugh out loud! Then the lights come on and we are NOT ready for home time. |So we decide - let's head to Wandsworth road where we can make a more informed decision about our next watering hole! As we walk past Nando's we get stopped by two boys. They are dark (haired!). Tick. And then the one speaks. Dear hopeless hell. With the strongest British accent he attempts to put on a foreign accent. We are befuddled - what is your point matie? And then he says - 'we are looking for two sexy girls...' and the penny drops. We are being picked up at a traffic light on the corner of Northcote Road and Batterseas Rise. Outside a BLOODY Nando's for Pete's sake! And seriously - I think they might be 24 at best! We laugh and make a LARGE detour across the road - there is funny and then there is just plain lecherous!
And then the funniest comment of the night comes out - you can see the chap is in 'woo-ing' mode. He is trying hard. But with about 92 drinks in him, his chosen topic of conversation is about chicken. Yes. Chicken. And all he can keep telling her is that he bought 20 pieces of chicken for a fiver. Seriously. Well by now 'Unsteady' and I are crying with laughter. I do not have the heart to tell the poor soul that if he got 20 pieces of chicken for a fiver then me thinks it might not have been chicken!
By this stage we have trundled through drunken souls (one was leaning on a girl apologising saying he did not know how he had got here - and she was still looking like she was going to kiss him - seriously I do not think us girls liearn sometimes! And then there before us lurked the Clapham Grand. We debate on the doorstep whether we should go on - we are probably 10 years older than the average crowd. And the bouncer spots our weakness and comes over and enthuses us with a passionate 'but you are only in your thirties and I am older and I am here'. Yes matie - you work there! We succumb. And as soon as we enter we are laughing! Every second girl has a 'p*ssy pelmet' on and is teetering on her stillettos! No such luck - 'Unsteady' and I are in boots! We go in and we are immediately bopping to the music! Imagine Manhattan or Movida in Joburg but seriously about 5 times bigger. CG is an old converted theatre - HUGE!
And blow me bloody down - next minute I get a tap on my shoulder and this pretty girl says, 'Hello!' I am baffled - it is NOT possible that I know someone in the Clapham Grand. But sure as eggs - it is Emma who works in our canteen at the office! Bless!
Unsteady and I then ensconse ourselves on the balcony and we bop. We watch the funniest guy I have EVER seen. He was the spitting image of Rhys Ifans from 'Notting Hill'. Honestly - I could just imagine him wearing his undies and answering the door like in the movie. But flip he danced like a bomb and the girls were dropping like flies!
Unsteady and I finally called it a day at about 3am and found our respective night buses. I was FINISHED! But what a fun night on the town and at least I now know where to get 20 pieces of chicken for a fiver!!!!
Have a great week friends x
So - we rendezvous. We start at The Duck in Clapham. We swop stories. We talk everything under the sun. EVERYTHING. We have the X chat. Ex, sex and text! We watch men 'charfing' chicks. We watch people absolutely swaying their way down the pavement. And we just laugh and laugh and laugh. The Duck closes. The Bank calls. We answer! We 'cutie-spot'. Short, tall, dark hair, brown hair. We theorise about the man in the beige jersey who smiles over texts and then promptly puts his phone away when the girlfriend arrives (according to our theory - he is getting texts from another girl!!!) We watch people raving to Coldplay and we still laugh out loud! Then the lights come on and we are NOT ready for home time. |So we decide - let's head to Wandsworth road where we can make a more informed decision about our next watering hole! As we walk past Nando's we get stopped by two boys. They are dark (haired!). Tick. And then the one speaks. Dear hopeless hell. With the strongest British accent he attempts to put on a foreign accent. We are befuddled - what is your point matie? And then he says - 'we are looking for two sexy girls...' and the penny drops. We are being picked up at a traffic light on the corner of Northcote Road and Batterseas Rise. Outside a BLOODY Nando's for Pete's sake! And seriously - I think they might be 24 at best! We laugh and make a LARGE detour across the road - there is funny and then there is just plain lecherous!
And then the funniest comment of the night comes out - you can see the chap is in 'woo-ing' mode. He is trying hard. But with about 92 drinks in him, his chosen topic of conversation is about chicken. Yes. Chicken. And all he can keep telling her is that he bought 20 pieces of chicken for a fiver. Seriously. Well by now 'Unsteady' and I are crying with laughter. I do not have the heart to tell the poor soul that if he got 20 pieces of chicken for a fiver then me thinks it might not have been chicken!
By this stage we have trundled through drunken souls (one was leaning on a girl apologising saying he did not know how he had got here - and she was still looking like she was going to kiss him - seriously I do not think us girls liearn sometimes! And then there before us lurked the Clapham Grand. We debate on the doorstep whether we should go on - we are probably 10 years older than the average crowd. And the bouncer spots our weakness and comes over and enthuses us with a passionate 'but you are only in your thirties and I am older and I am here'. Yes matie - you work there! We succumb. And as soon as we enter we are laughing! Every second girl has a 'p*ssy pelmet' on and is teetering on her stillettos! No such luck - 'Unsteady' and I are in boots! We go in and we are immediately bopping to the music! Imagine Manhattan or Movida in Joburg but seriously about 5 times bigger. CG is an old converted theatre - HUGE!
And blow me bloody down - next minute I get a tap on my shoulder and this pretty girl says, 'Hello!' I am baffled - it is NOT possible that I know someone in the Clapham Grand. But sure as eggs - it is Emma who works in our canteen at the office! Bless!
Unsteady and I then ensconse ourselves on the balcony and we bop. We watch the funniest guy I have EVER seen. He was the spitting image of Rhys Ifans from 'Notting Hill'. Honestly - I could just imagine him wearing his undies and answering the door like in the movie. But flip he danced like a bomb and the girls were dropping like flies!
Unsteady and I finally called it a day at about 3am and found our respective night buses. I was FINISHED! But what a fun night on the town and at least I now know where to get 20 pieces of chicken for a fiver!!!!
Have a great week friends x
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