Dear almost 35 year old self
On the pending eve of your birthday, I know you are scared, but don't be. 35 is no longer over the hill, but the prime of your life. I know it is hard to think about what lies ahead when in fact what is top of mind is that Dad was dead 3 weeks after his 35th birthday. History does not have to repeat itself. There is no room for doubt - you have made choices that have determined your life. Now get a move on and live it.
This holiday you managed to relax for the first time in a while. I know you think it was because you were home. But it wasn't necessarily that. Bulawayo will always be the land of your birth and the holder of your heart, but it is no longer your home. It is a place you visit. London is your home. You need to start living as if it is your home from now on.
Some days I wish I had written you a note when you were 16. When you were so driven by being peer pressured and trying to be cool. Cool is such an outdated concept. You make your own kind of cool, each and every day. Being cool is a state of mind - not a state of being. So buck up matie - you are already cool! Your 16th year taught you some valuable lesson. That was the year you lost two of your dear friends. It was the first experience you had of loss that you could directly relate to. The good thing is that you made a pact with yourself at the time. One which you have done quite well to follow - live your life, for yourself. Some days you don't quite get that right, and other days I am SO proud of you I just want to give you a high-five! Let's aim for more high-five's this year shall we?
Now there are some things I am quite pleased you grew out of - and let's place those on record so that we shall never go back - yes? Hunter's Gold (for pete's sake - what were you thinking?), neon (!), banana clips (heaven help me!) and writing endless letters to people who sat next to you in class (seriously - just talk to them!)
But there are also a load of things that I am so thrilled that you still do - these are the things that make the world a better place...well done you! Being respectful of your elders (not enough of that in London!), taking endless photos of the world (thank goodness for digital now though - no saving up to have the photos developed anymore!), endlessly engaging and having patience for little people (they always bring a smile!) and maintaining friendships that go back for years and years and years.
For 2012 you made your new 'theme' for the year. Your ever quirky self sealed the deal with a mental handshake with yourself. You remember right - 2012 is the year of being brave. Brave about choices, brave about friends, brave about life, brave about men, brave about travel...in fact, pretty much brave about everything. Now let's get one thing straight - brave does not translate into stupid. Nor insanity. Brave translaes into using your words, thoughts and actions to make decisions that are for you. Only you. Not for anyone else. Brave is about speaking up, speaking out. And boy, on some things there is enough to be said! Brave is about recognising that which is toxic and removing it far far away. It is not about only having 'yes men' in your life, but about having those who challenge you in a way that makes you grow, not instils you with fear and dread (you have some way to go on this one!)
I know you have lost your heart over the years to some beggars and vagabonds...and some amazing men. But let's get real here sista - they have moved on...and I am not sure you have. So time to package up those mental memories, place in cardboard box and seal with packing tape. I am ok with you not throwing away the boxes - just put them in storage...preferably in Timbuctoo!
This year I want you to trust your heart. Trust your instinct. Follow your true north star. Don't let your moral compass get attached to a misleading magnet. Focus on establishing what it is that YOU want and do it for YOU. Not for anyone else, YOU. Say no if you want to say no and ffs get over the guilt in the same instant that you say no - over it already. But most of all, dear sweet, loving, kind 35 year old - I want you to have your own kind of fun, to your own kind of drum. Happy (almost) birthday beautiful, pretty, happy 35 year old soul xxx
On the pending eve of your birthday, I know you are scared, but don't be. 35 is no longer over the hill, but the prime of your life. I know it is hard to think about what lies ahead when in fact what is top of mind is that Dad was dead 3 weeks after his 35th birthday. History does not have to repeat itself. There is no room for doubt - you have made choices that have determined your life. Now get a move on and live it.
This holiday you managed to relax for the first time in a while. I know you think it was because you were home. But it wasn't necessarily that. Bulawayo will always be the land of your birth and the holder of your heart, but it is no longer your home. It is a place you visit. London is your home. You need to start living as if it is your home from now on.
Some days I wish I had written you a note when you were 16. When you were so driven by being peer pressured and trying to be cool. Cool is such an outdated concept. You make your own kind of cool, each and every day. Being cool is a state of mind - not a state of being. So buck up matie - you are already cool! Your 16th year taught you some valuable lesson. That was the year you lost two of your dear friends. It was the first experience you had of loss that you could directly relate to. The good thing is that you made a pact with yourself at the time. One which you have done quite well to follow - live your life, for yourself. Some days you don't quite get that right, and other days I am SO proud of you I just want to give you a high-five! Let's aim for more high-five's this year shall we?
Now there are some things I am quite pleased you grew out of - and let's place those on record so that we shall never go back - yes? Hunter's Gold (for pete's sake - what were you thinking?), neon (!), banana clips (heaven help me!) and writing endless letters to people who sat next to you in class (seriously - just talk to them!)
But there are also a load of things that I am so thrilled that you still do - these are the things that make the world a better place...well done you! Being respectful of your elders (not enough of that in London!), taking endless photos of the world (thank goodness for digital now though - no saving up to have the photos developed anymore!), endlessly engaging and having patience for little people (they always bring a smile!) and maintaining friendships that go back for years and years and years.
For 2012 you made your new 'theme' for the year. Your ever quirky self sealed the deal with a mental handshake with yourself. You remember right - 2012 is the year of being brave. Brave about choices, brave about friends, brave about life, brave about men, brave about travel...in fact, pretty much brave about everything. Now let's get one thing straight - brave does not translate into stupid. Nor insanity. Brave translaes into using your words, thoughts and actions to make decisions that are for you. Only you. Not for anyone else. Brave is about speaking up, speaking out. And boy, on some things there is enough to be said! Brave is about recognising that which is toxic and removing it far far away. It is not about only having 'yes men' in your life, but about having those who challenge you in a way that makes you grow, not instils you with fear and dread (you have some way to go on this one!)
I know you have lost your heart over the years to some beggars and vagabonds...and some amazing men. But let's get real here sista - they have moved on...and I am not sure you have. So time to package up those mental memories, place in cardboard box and seal with packing tape. I am ok with you not throwing away the boxes - just put them in storage...preferably in Timbuctoo!
This year I want you to trust your heart. Trust your instinct. Follow your true north star. Don't let your moral compass get attached to a misleading magnet. Focus on establishing what it is that YOU want and do it for YOU. Not for anyone else, YOU. Say no if you want to say no and ffs get over the guilt in the same instant that you say no - over it already. But most of all, dear sweet, loving, kind 35 year old - I want you to have your own kind of fun, to your own kind of drum. Happy (almost) birthday beautiful, pretty, happy 35 year old soul xxx
Right on Geens - you are brave and fabulous and London is lucky to have you! Happy almost birthday - and yes to 35 being the YEAR OF AWESOMENESS!!!!
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