This has been a watershed weekend for me. Literally watershed - the rain has not stopped. Yes...NOT stopped. Now ordinarily I am not too saddened by rain...unless it is (a) endless and (b) in the summer in London. Let's be frank London summer's are probably cooler than Bulawayo's winters...just saying!
I had a bit of a mental meltdown on Friday. It was ugly. Tears. At work. In front of my colleagues. Did I say it was ugly? You know that moment when life has thrown you a couple of challenging moments, lobbed in some f*ck-up's, robbed you of sleep (and therefore any chance of sanity), played with your hormones and just generally decided to give you a snot klap. And then along comes 'she who must correct' and throws in a seemingly innocent comment. BUT it has an ulterior motive. And it is not only the final straw on the camel's back...it is the entire Little Pig Family's straw house on the camel's back. And so the flood gates opened. In fact - they were of Tsunami proportions. Enough for the population of India to wash in I tell you.
Now I was supposed to be going on the biggest of big party weekends leaving at sparrow's on Saturday morning. It had been booked for 2 months. Plans had been made. Super C had 'directioned' us up to the max. I had made my packing list in my BB. Things were on track. And then the tsunami happened. In that split second I realised something (anything!) had to give. I had filled my life with so much movement and discussion and decision-making and busyness and other people's lives and shared spaces and being out rather than home cocooning. I had totally emotionally overwrought myself. And I needed to centre myself again.
So I made the decision to cancel the party weekend away, close the front door and rest. By myself. All my myself. I needed to find my clarity (and by default my sanity). I wanted to wake up after a weekend of 'loving myself' rested, revived and ready for the world to surprise me again. The last week had passed by in one cynical, self-doubting blur.
I have no doubt that I missed an amazing weekend with Super C and the gang. But life is about swings and roundabouts - and if any of my friends was going to understand this, Super C would. After all, as she pointed out to me on the phone (when I made a teary 11pm call Friday night to cancel) - 'you were with me on my 21st'. And she is 100% right. I was. And I will be there for her 36th. And she may be there for my 40th. But the presence of either of us in each other's lives has no bearing on the importance we have in one another's lives. I do not need an occasion to celebrate the amazingness of my friend. I do that every time I think of her.
My weekend of reflection and kindness to myself is the very best present I could have given myself. It is Sunday night. Today I baked a banana loaf, went for a long power walk, had a divine shower, watched Andy Murray battle through his own demons on the court, spoke to my sister on Skype, made notes of all the things I want to do on my holiday to America in less than 2 months and found the inspiration for a blog post. Me thinks that is a great day. And whilst I would have loved to have been lazing in the sun in Amsterdam, I know that I am going to be a better person for other's to experience for this weekend.
Life is about swings and roundabouts. Sometimes we feel mentally cheated when we cannot do something (like enjoy a sunny day when we are trying to finish a thesis)...but that is the roundabout...temporary, making you sick in the process, but ultimately returning you to the same starting point once the task has been done. That is what I learned this weekend. If I am not kind to myself. If I do not show compassion to myself (my compassion campaign started for lent seems to have forgotten to be kind to its owner). If I do not make a conscious choice to step off the treadmill and 'go off grid' for a few days, I become an inferior version of myself. I am not the best I can be. I lose perspective, I stop counting my blessings, I become over-sensitive and I CRY! A. LOT.
When last did you take a personal timeout? Even if it is for 30 minutes in the bath tub. Guys and girls - this is a message for you both. Do it. Because life is about swings and roundabouts. But you can't ride the swings and last the roundabouts if you have run yourself into the ground.
19 days to the biggest sporting event in the world in my city...blessings abound. Happy Monday!
I had a bit of a mental meltdown on Friday. It was ugly. Tears. At work. In front of my colleagues. Did I say it was ugly? You know that moment when life has thrown you a couple of challenging moments, lobbed in some f*ck-up's, robbed you of sleep (and therefore any chance of sanity), played with your hormones and just generally decided to give you a snot klap. And then along comes 'she who must correct' and throws in a seemingly innocent comment. BUT it has an ulterior motive. And it is not only the final straw on the camel's back...it is the entire Little Pig Family's straw house on the camel's back. And so the flood gates opened. In fact - they were of Tsunami proportions. Enough for the population of India to wash in I tell you.
Now I was supposed to be going on the biggest of big party weekends leaving at sparrow's on Saturday morning. It had been booked for 2 months. Plans had been made. Super C had 'directioned' us up to the max. I had made my packing list in my BB. Things were on track. And then the tsunami happened. In that split second I realised something (anything!) had to give. I had filled my life with so much movement and discussion and decision-making and busyness and other people's lives and shared spaces and being out rather than home cocooning. I had totally emotionally overwrought myself. And I needed to centre myself again.
So I made the decision to cancel the party weekend away, close the front door and rest. By myself. All my myself. I needed to find my clarity (and by default my sanity). I wanted to wake up after a weekend of 'loving myself' rested, revived and ready for the world to surprise me again. The last week had passed by in one cynical, self-doubting blur.
I have no doubt that I missed an amazing weekend with Super C and the gang. But life is about swings and roundabouts - and if any of my friends was going to understand this, Super C would. After all, as she pointed out to me on the phone (when I made a teary 11pm call Friday night to cancel) - 'you were with me on my 21st'. And she is 100% right. I was. And I will be there for her 36th. And she may be there for my 40th. But the presence of either of us in each other's lives has no bearing on the importance we have in one another's lives. I do not need an occasion to celebrate the amazingness of my friend. I do that every time I think of her.
My weekend of reflection and kindness to myself is the very best present I could have given myself. It is Sunday night. Today I baked a banana loaf, went for a long power walk, had a divine shower, watched Andy Murray battle through his own demons on the court, spoke to my sister on Skype, made notes of all the things I want to do on my holiday to America in less than 2 months and found the inspiration for a blog post. Me thinks that is a great day. And whilst I would have loved to have been lazing in the sun in Amsterdam, I know that I am going to be a better person for other's to experience for this weekend.
Life is about swings and roundabouts. Sometimes we feel mentally cheated when we cannot do something (like enjoy a sunny day when we are trying to finish a thesis)...but that is the roundabout...temporary, making you sick in the process, but ultimately returning you to the same starting point once the task has been done. That is what I learned this weekend. If I am not kind to myself. If I do not show compassion to myself (my compassion campaign started for lent seems to have forgotten to be kind to its owner). If I do not make a conscious choice to step off the treadmill and 'go off grid' for a few days, I become an inferior version of myself. I am not the best I can be. I lose perspective, I stop counting my blessings, I become over-sensitive and I CRY! A. LOT.
When last did you take a personal timeout? Even if it is for 30 minutes in the bath tub. Guys and girls - this is a message for you both. Do it. Because life is about swings and roundabouts. But you can't ride the swings and last the roundabouts if you have run yourself into the ground.
19 days to the biggest sporting event in the world in my city...blessings abound. Happy Monday!
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